Jon Gagnon - Comedian

Study finds: "SCIENCE RELATED ARTICLE PROVES I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG"

5/24/2020

 
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If you are tired of people not listening to you and your opinion, there is a simple solution: Open your browser and type in your thoughts into a search engine. You will find tens of thousands of articles from people who share the same opinion as you. 

Open up a study that justifies all your arguments. Now copy and paste the link. Ensure it sounds legit, like "ScienceOutlook.com." If it has a word that sounds like it could be actual science you are looking good.

Next log into your social media. Share the post. Soon you will see one of two things: the first, people agreeing with you. Some will like the post some will even comment. On the other hand, some will not be as positive. They will directly oppose your opinion and point out flaws in the article (if they read it). News flash: These are trolls. You must now insult them personally for not agreeing with you. A good internet troll battle should last 20-30 comments and veer off on a few different topics.

Eventually you will block that troll from your social media. They don't deserve your friendship. 

Suddenly things are looking good. Less haters. Now you can go to bed, for you have changed the opinion of, likely, the entire world. 
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PA Dies, But Crew Gets the Shot

1/5/2020

 
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​VANCOUVER BC - Production Assistant Luke Scissons was working late for an overnight shoot of the movie set of "TIME TRAVEL LOVERS" on the corner of Dunsmuir and Cambie on the morning of January 4th 2020. 

"It seemed like a regular day" said co-worker and fellow PA Chad Lewis. "Nobody told us anything and we just stood around for hours." Lewis knew that it was an important day because they needed to get the shot of a mini-van doing a U-Turn in the alley. "Without the shot, I just don't know if we could convey how serious we are about evoking emotion." 

So wait they did, as the rain fell for hours on the uncovered PA. Sadly, nobody  noticed. "If you complain, you get put into a worse spot..." states Lewis with a tear in his eye. "... all of us just want to make our own movie one day, whether it's time travel based or not."

A lengthy press conference is expected today as many questions of why humans would be put through such torture. "For the Art..." states the 2nd assistant director Tammy Ling,  " ...although our thoughts and prayers go out to the Production Assistant [Luke Scissons], we feel that the results of the film will change the lives of  people, forever... especially if the shot makes final cut."

And we have Luke Scissons to thank for that. May he rest in peace.




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